What's the solution to the Saluki basketball squad's manpower shortage? Suit up a player already on scholarship.
Instructions:
1. Scan coach Dale Lennon's football roster with attention to tight ends, defensive linemen.
2. Rustle up some chalupas.... truck in a case of Rock Star....crushed ice...........
3. Hold meeting. CLo: "OK , guys, the reason I've asked you here today... is to see who's played a little basketball. Could I have a show of hands?" etc. etc. (ad lib).
4. Run'em up and down the gym. (Note who is panting excessively.)
5. Couple of shooting drills.
6. Issue spare uniform to winner.
7. Call press conference for introduction of newest Dawg hoopster. (photo op)
RESULTS:
A. Campus and fanbase embrace the "everyman" concept of walk-on hero. (Even if the new guy goes 6-5, 280).
B. Media scurries in with revitalized interest due to new angle.
C. "Everyman" catapults Bluejays and Bulldogs around like beerhall enforcer.
D. The occasional minutes "Everyman" plays spell vital rest for Saluki "Bigs."
E. Reinforced Dawgs win key game(s).
F. Fans roar. Replica team gear disappears off shelves at phenomenal rate.
G. Alumni Association racks up 3200 new memberships in 10 days.
H. Administration chortles. Rubs hands with glee.
HEADS:
NY Times - Hoops Revival at Southern Illinois
Arizona Republic - Gigantic Dawg Rejuvenates SIU
Minneapolis Herald Tribune - Valley Race Does a "280"
Cleveland Plain Dealer - SIU's Lowery Hailed as Genius
Djkarta Daily Indonesian - American Athlete a Phenomenon
Memphis Commercial Appeal - Big Dude Whups'em All
People Magazine - Heartland Hoopster Seeing Anne Hathaway
National Enquirer -....and Lindsay....and Kate Hudson... and...
Daily Egyptian - ...a sophomore girl from Lockport...
Saluki Talk boobirds- This guy sucks.
OVER THE AIR:
Mike Reis: "Wing right...down low...dribble drive...HE FLUSHED IT! aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr
Larry King: "Son, you've created quite a stir in the Midwest....."
Vitale: Dipsydunkababyroo !! Aiiiiiiiiieeeeeee (?)
Costas: "I'm not sure you realize the ramifications of your own selfless act of volunteerism."
THUS....... a problem solved. We return you now to your standard media outlets.
